10 Things We Say & What We Really Mean

Life usually doesn’t fit into nice neat little lists, but that doesn’t keep me from trying. Welcome to my Tuesday 10, where I try to fit the messiness of life into a list of ten. We have a lot of little things we say that don't really mean what a careful interpretation of the words would lead someone to believe. Whether they are catch phrases, idioms, web/text speak, shorthand, or whatever. Here are ten things we say and what they actually mean.

1. "Maybe." — "I don't really want to commit myself to anything."

2. "This goes without saying, but..." — "I really think this is important enough that you should know what I'm about to say before I even say it, but I am going to say it anyways. Probably because I like the sound of my own voice."

3. "Lol" — "I have nothing else to say, but I want the conversation to continue."

4. "Yeah ... yes .... uh-huh" — "I'm not paying attention to you."

5. "I just want to be me." — "I just want to be who I think everyone wants me to be." or "I want to be as strange as humanly possible and get a lot of attention."

6. "I'm starving." — "It's been at least an hour since I ate an extra large double cheeseburger."

7. "I love (nonhuman variable)!" — "I have an unhealthy affinity for (nonhuman variable)!"

8. "It's good to see you this morning." — "Oh, hey we are passing each other in the hall at church again this week."

9. "That is so EPIC!" — "I don't know what an epic is!"

10. "Outreach" — "We want people to come to an event at our church on a night not typically associated with going to church."

10 Almost Serious Rules (to Protect You From Dumbness)

Life usually doesn’t fit into nice neat little lists, but that doesn’t keep me from trying. Welcome to my Tuesday 10, where I try to fit the messiness of life into a list of ten. Living life can often be tricky.  Luckily I'm here (sarcasm) to offer a few pointers with this Tuesday  Wednesday 10.

1. Never underestimate the stupidity of humanity. People are dumb. Lots of them. Learn it. Remember it.

2. Mr. Pibb is not Dr. Pepper, and is an incredibly inferior beverage. That's a well known scientifically ignored fact.

3. If you get an email from someone saying you inherited a fortune and they need some basic info (like bank stuff) it's hooey. Legal Eagles don't use hotmail to notify beneficiaries of their awaiting millions.

4. Windows 8 will break your soul and eat your Facebook profile if you update. Luckily iOS6 will fix both as long as you don't want to use a map.

5. Cartwheels under ceiling fans make for exciting injuries and lame stories.

6. It's important to fasten the seat-belt strap on your child's car-seat. This isn't even semi serious.  It's completely serious all the way.

7. "Friend" doesn't mean that at all where social media is concerned.  Kind of like when people write "LOL".  No one is really laughing out loud, except for that one girl in the library.  They just don't have anything else to say.

8. Texting and driving is dangerous.  Firing a shotgun while driving is more dangerous.

9. Not all "10" lists have 10. Don't believe everything that you read, hear, say, do, find, smell, or walk over.

When Your _____ Explodes

There are days, ever so often, when I feel as if my brain explodes.  Not that it is going to explode, might explode, or could possibly explode.  But that it has actually already exploded.  The type of day that I am writing about is rarely a good day.  They actually generally come off as more-than-miserable.  And to make matters worse it is beyond difficult to begin to ascertain what exactly it might be that will potentially cause the explosion.

Of course my brain doesn't literally explode, don't be silly.  How would I be writing this?

I am a smart guy, with a capacity for big ideas, small ideas, and all other sorts of shapes, sizes, fabrics, varieties, densities, and frequencies of thought.  Brain explosion halts them all.  It is most disrupting.

The uniquely pitiful precipitant of brain-explosion is that often my silly heart will follow, again not in the literal sense.  Imagine if you were keen on spending a quality amount of time in thought thinking thoughts about how you might accomplish, do, create, or manage something and that beautifully sought train of magnificent ideas were derailed by a mental malfunction of dastardly proportions?  When I think thoughts I rarely do so casually as I enjoy the thinking of them.  When that stops all-of-a-sudden it is disrupting.  It makes me sad.  My heart follows brain-explosion with sad time.  That's kind of like when you plan to spend time doing something fun, you know fun-time, but instead something sad happens, and it becomes sad-time.

What cures brain explosion?