Grant Jones has become very special to me in the last three years. I have watched him continuously approach the tough questions that come along in life with a quiet faith that is neither forced, nor flimsy. He measures his words, means his actions, and approaches life with an intentionality not often demonstrated by someone of his years. In short, I have spent the last three years watching him steadily mature in his faith into the incredibly self-aware man he is today. He shared the following with me last night after an afternoon and evening spent playing basketball and sharing the Gospel with inner city kids in Tropical del Este in Santo Domingo.
On the bus ride back to the hotel:
For the past few months I've been wondering where to Go. What places to go to, what people To go to, and what things to go to. For the past few months I've been going through what seems like a spiritual mid life crisis--burdened down by questions of significance and lengthy episodes of apathy. I still embodied the zeal for God I've always guarded close, but I began to examine it objectively and question what it's use and purpose was. What it could do for this realistic experience I called "Now".
I asked God, with seemingly no response, where I was to Go. The seeming absence of his guidance only acted as fuel to the flame for the apathy and objectivity that had recently plagued my thoughts. However, tonight in a moment, reminiscing on the people I have met, the things I have done, and this country with its people we'll leave behind, in a moment of clarity I heard God say, "it's not about 'Going', it's about 'leaving'.".
These words seemed to be the key to unlock my mind and thoughts from the apathy and disinterest which had entered in. I began to think on this statement and believe God has guided me to this conclusion. This life has never been about going, but about leaving. A constant walking away from yourself, from this world, and the bible even says at times your family. A perpetual falling from the familiar to eternally embrace the unknown. A leaving of yourself and your heart in the things, places, people you are with 'Now', not the people you will go to. For now is all we have. And now all we can do is leave. If God permits another day to come I will Go. But for now my concern will be with only that which is assured, and that is what I have left.
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